Judge Harriet Muller is 34 years old, born of a prominent family in Indio, California. Her father Franz, now retired, had been District Attorney, while her mother Samantha was a retired physiotherapist. Wanting for little growing up it had been imprinted into Harriet that everyone deserves a chance in life and not to judge a person without knowing them. This had led to young Harriet being overly generous at times, especially with people she was unacquainted with. Her mother lost count how many times she asked her daughter where this or that item of clothing was and always Harriet replied that someone needed it more than her.
Both Franz and Samantha knew their daughter was destined to be a Judge. It was her way of making a difference, of trying to help people without choosing the primary option of a prison sentence. She believed in giving a person every opportunity to amend their mistakes, to learn from them, just like her father had strived to do throughout his career.
Judge Muller had just dismissed her final case of the day when she noticed the attractive woman enter the courtroom as people were dispersing. A smile passed between the two women. Harriet gathered up her notes and made her way to her chambers. As she sat down behind her large prominent desk the woman now entered the room.
“Hello Ms. Swanson, what a pleasant surprise.”
The woman smiled at the Judge. “Are we still on for dinner tonight Harriet?”
“Yes, yes, I’ll meet you at Harvey’s in about an hour, does that give you enough time?”
“Of course, do I need to bring anything with me?”
Harriet raised her eyebrows suggestively, a slight blush appeared on the woman’s face as she turned around hurriedly and left the Judges chamber without uttering another word.
Harriet sat for a moment assessing her relationship with Rhonda Swanson. It had been around five years since they started having a sexual relationship. Harriet enjoyed Rhonda’s company but lately she had seen a side to her that she was not too enamored with. Ms. Swanson was a State Prosecutor with her sights set on becoming the next District Attorney of Indio and Harriet had started to see signs of a win regardless kind of attitude from the prosecutor. It was an attitude that Harriet could never have adopted. Rhonda was ambitious and knew exactly where she wanted to go however Harriet was concerned about the route she might take to get there, she on the other hand had already reached her goal and had no desire to hold a higher office feeling she could make more of a difference in the office she already held. Quickly putting thoughts of Rhonda to the back of her mind Harriet set about getting organized for the following week. Briefly she looked at the cases that would be before her. One name stood out.
Ali Baird.
“Not again.” The Judge said to the empty chamber.
Arriving at Harvey’s, Harriet saw Rhonda already waiting for her, a look of anticipation etched across her face. It had been a few weeks since Harriet had given Rhonda any indication that they would spend the night together and now she was starting to regret it. God what is wrong with me? she thought to herself. Dinner was a cordial affair, no different to how they had become in the last six months, it was business as usual and she knew she was as guilty as the attractive prosecutor for it being like this. Harriet craved for some excitement in her life. From the very beginning of their relationship Harriet knew Rhonda was never going to deliver what she needed and would only ever be someone she would occasionally share her bed with. Now that time was coming to an end.
They had just made it inside Harriet’s front door when the prosecutor made her move.
“I need to shower first, Rhonda.”
At this a look of disappointment appeared on the prosecutor’s face. “Do you really need to? It’s been an age since we last got together.”
“Well you’ve waited this long I’m sure another 20 minutes won’t hurt.” Harriet felt bad as soon as the words had left her mouth. She placed her arms around the woman in front of her and spoke softly. “I’ve missed you too honey, why don’t you go and get comfortable in bed, I promise I won’t be long.” The two women came together, lips meeting purposefully and with familiarity, Harriet’s insensitive words quickly forgotten.
Sometime later the two women lay spent. Lovemaking between the two had always been good, nothing more, nothing less. It was always what each of them needed, a release. Harriet lay looking at the sleeping woman she now held in her arms, there was no mistaking she found Rhonda extremely attractive, her lean figure perfectly formed in all the places she loved, along with her shoulder length blond hair and piercing green eyes, but Harriet wanted more than an attractive woman, she wanted to love a woman body and soul, she needed more than good looks. Sleep eventually took over the Judge’s body. When she awoke in an empty bed, the sound of running water emanating from the bathroom told her what Rhonda’s plans were and for one moment she thought about joining the prosecutor in the shower, but the thought dissipated as quickly as it had arisen. Getting out of bed she made her way to the kitchen and set about making coffee. Shortly afterwards Rhonda joined her, dressed, as she knew she would be.
“Are you not wanting a coffee before you go?” Why am I even asking? I’ve seen this routine so many times before.
“No, you know I don’t like having anything before I hit the gym.” Moving so she was standing in front of the Judge, “I had a wonderful night as I always do when we get together, but you know what it’s like, I have so much to do this weekend for the coming week, I’m really stretched.”
Harriet did know what it was like, there was no one more committed than her regarding work but she also knew that you had to switch off sometimes, if not life could pass you by. She thought about telling the prosecutor that she needed to get a life outside of work then thought better of it, the last thing she wanted was for Rhonda to think she wanted more so she smiled, “Yeah, I know what it’s like.”
Five minutes later she sat alone, assessing her life. It was something that had come to the fore in the last few months and thoughts of telling Rhonda to get a life was the same as telling herself the same thing, she had been so engrossed first in her studies, then career building that she herself had forgotten to live. It had been an age since she had gotten together with her friends, though in her defense most of them lived in LA, but she knew that was only an excuse and made a mental note to call Lisa later that day.
An hour later Harriet pulled into her parent’s driveway. Using her key to enter the house she found her mom out in the back yard knowing very well that Samantha would be out enjoying the early morning temperature, summer was almost upon them which limited the time spent outside.
“Harriet what a pleasant surprise.”
“Hi mom.” Harriet bent over and gave her a hug, “Is Dad playing golf?”
Her mom smiled, “When your dad retired I was a bit concerned as to how he would fill his days, you know he can hardly sit still, but you know Harriet he is keeping himself occupied and it’s keeping him fit.”
Harriet gave her mom a smile, they both knew full well that Samantha Muller would never have allowed her husband to simply do nothing. Harriet poured herself a glass of homemade lemonade then sat down opposite her mom, taking a sip of the cloudy liquid. “I swear this gets better each time you make it.”
“You look tired Harriet. I take it Rhonda stayed over?”
When she first told her parents that she was gay, there had been no drama, no coming out to the parent’s horror stories, they just took the news in their stride. Her dad did speak to her about being in the public eye, that some people might not be as tolerant as them, but she knew that already, she assured him that she was not going to hide who she was but she was not about to shout it from the city roof tops. As for Samantha, she just wanted her daughter to be happy, to find happiness, to fall in love and give that love her all.
“I may just have had a busy week at work.”
Samantha Muller raised her eyebrows.
“Okay, Rhonda did stay over.”
“You do know it’s not going anywhere.”
“I know mom, I know.”
This was a conversation Harriet had had with her mom on numerous occasions. After about a year of seeing Rhonda she had taken the prosecutor to her parent’s house for dinner. Her dad already knew Rhonda from when he was the DA. As for her mom, this was their first meeting. After that first dinner her mom would tell her that Rhonda was not the one for her, of course she could see the attraction between her daughter and the prosecutor, but Samantha knew relationships were built on more than just attraction, were built on a connection of the soul.
“Don’t you think you should tell her then, instead of just using her to keep your bed warm occasionally?”
Harriet fired a look of disbelief at the words that had left her mom’s mouth. “Mom, that’s not true. I can’t believe you just said that.”
Samantha Muller started to laugh then composed herself briefly, “Of course it is darling, we all have needs.”
“I’m not having this conversation with my mom.” Then the two women start laughing, Harriet’s needs or Rhonda were not mentioned again for now.
Franz Muller arrived home to find his wife and daughter dead heading roses in the back yard, he stood watching them for a moment. He still had to pinch himself occasionally, forty years of marriage and he loved his wife with all his heart. Never once had his love waivered. As for his daughter, to say he was proud of her would be a massive understatement He knew there had been obstacles regarding her personal life, but not once did she complain or make excuses, she just kept on making strides in the right direction. Samantha turned slowly knowing full well she would find her husband there, a look of love passing between them as it always did.
“Dad’s home.”
Harriet turned around “Hi dad.” Carefully taking off her gardening gloves, making sure she did not get jabbed by the thorns impaled in their thick fabric, she made her way to where her dad stood, gave him a hug then sat down on the chair she had vacated earlier. “Thank god you’re home, mom would have had me out here all day. I can’t believe she has so many flowers in this garden, I really think you should restrict her to a limited number of plants that actually flower.”
Franz Muller started to laugh. “Now Harriet, your mom gets pleasure from having a nice yard, and do you really think she would listen to me after forty years?”
Samantha joined her husband and daughter, giving her husband a quick kiss before inquiring about his round of golf.
“To tell you the truth I don’t think I’m improving, but I do enjoy the exercise and the social aspect.”
Harriet observed her mother’s reaction as her father was speaking, the look of love passing between her parents, it was a sight she could relate to from an early age and now with both of them retired it was still as strong and visible as ever. She hoped that one day she would find the same connection and love that her parents shared.
“Why don’t you two catch up while I put together something for your dad’s lunch. I thought you and I could go out for lunch Harriet. I need to drop by the garden center.”
“Seriously mom?”
Samantha smiled at her daughter then walked off in the direction of the house. Franz always asked about their mutual acquaintances, but Harriet knew her dad stayed connected with those few he considered to be good people from his professional life, and she knew exactly what he meant by that. Rhonda always came up in their chats. Like his wife he knew there was never a future for the two women, but unlike his wife he kept his mouth shut on the subject and was always polite enough to inquire after her.
“I can’t believe mom needs to go to the garden center, why are you not coming with us?”
Her dad grinned, “I like to take a nap after playing golf, you know all that fresh air makes your dad tired.” The smile never leaving his face.
Two hours later Harriet was relieved when her mom had finally selected what she wanted for the backyard though she didn’t know where Samantha was going to plant them, as far as she was concerned there really wasn’t space for anymore plants but her mom reassured her there was plenty of room and to stop looking for excuses for them to leave the center without her purchases.
Seated in the corner of their favorite Thai restaurant in Indio, the waiter brought the two women a pitcher of iced water, then left them to contemplate the menu. There really was no need as each woman knew exactly what they were going to order but they liked to amuse themselves by thinking they might order something besides a green curry. They never did.
“So, my beautiful daughter, what are we going to do with you?”
Harriet looked at her mom with much love in her eyes and her mom never disappointed her, the love was always mirrored back to her daughter. “Mom really everything is fine, I’m happy.”
Samantha placed her hand on top of her daughter’s. “Now Harriet we both know that is not entirely true, yes you may be happy regarding your career but you need to think about you, your personal happiness, what you want and who you want to have in your life.”
Harriet reflected on her mom’s words, the questions being the same as she had asked herself on numerous occasions recently. “It’s difficult you know, to meet someone I totally trust, I always think they have an ulterior motive in wanting to get involved with me, I think that’s why I have allowed Rhonda to last so long, she didn’t want something from me or if she did she never asked.”
Harriet had just answered her own question about her relationship with Rhonda, it was safe. After a few moments of silence, the waiter reappeared. Once they had given him their usual order both women looked at each other and laughed, then Samantha composed herself, “I think you have to broaden your horizons Harriet, stay away from lawyers,” she paused slightly then continued, “because of your position you will always feel like they want something from you.”
Harriet thought of Lisa and the rest of her friends from university, how good it would be to catch up with them, have a night out in LA. “You’re right mom, I know I have to make changes in my life, but please don’t worry.”
“Oh Harriet, it’s my job to worry about you.”
The two women smiled at each other nothing else being said about her love life or lack of it.
Later that evening Harriet phoned Lisa. It was so good catching up with her and the goings on of the rest of the group of once close friends. Harriet blamed herself completely, she had buried herself in work for more years than she cared to remember. By the end of the phone call Harriet had arranged to go to LA for a few of nights in a couple of weeks. Lisa was going to contact the rest of the group of friends, see who was up for a night on the town.
On Sunday Harriet slept late then went to her parent’s for lunch as she did most Sunday’s. When she returned home the Judge went about reading through the cases she had on Monday, making notes. Being prepared and efficient were what she prided herself on.
Debs Thorburn-Loudon 